because it's my dream

4:40am

It’s dark. My phone lights up across my room and Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel begins to play. I am so tired. My body aches; my eyelids feel like they weigh 1000lbs, what the hell am I doing? Before I can get one more negative thought through my mind, I leap out of bed and throw on my training shorts and T-shirt I placed out the night before. I inhale a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and head to the garage.

5:00am

* Snap snap * – I lock my boots into my rollerskis and put on my poles and roll down the driveway. Like most mornings, it’s an hour and a half session. The first 30 minutes I just try to find my rhythm; how does my body feel? I focus on being dynamic while trying to find my glide. I drop my poles on the side of the path and spend the next 20 minutes legs only. Punch, glide, punch, glide, punch, and glide. I need to get over my skis better; I need to glide more with less movement. I grab my poles; it’s time for some speed work. I use a pinecone on the path as a start line; I imagine I am lining up at the start line of World Championships. It’s me against the best in the world. “Skiers take your start positions, set … BAM” the mental gun it my head goes off. I launch out of my start gate as fast as I can. I am completely relaxed. For the next 15 seconds I am flying, I am getting over my skis like I did during my legs only work. There is no one in the world that can beat me in this moment. I cross my finish line (the garbage can on the side of the path), a good sprint. I do 7 more of these, improving each one. It’s time to cool down, I spend the next 20 minutes at a controlled pace working on my technique on my way back home. I take a deep breath; the first step of the day is done.

6:45am

I chow down another two bowls of cereal, take a shower, pack a lunch, and throw my training gear into the car. Time to go to work.

7:45am

I arrive at work. I start marking off the orders coming in and get ready to unpack product and stock shelves for the next 9 hours. I have 15 full skids to unpack and stock. As I stock the shelves and work the cash I only have one thing on my mind, skiing. Each hour that passes by I think to myself, “$11 dollars closer to being able to go to Norway”. This is my mission, I don’t want to be here… but I know where I want to go.

5:00pm

I grab my bags, rush out the door, and jump in the car; it’s straight to team training. I pass by my house on my way; all I want to do is turn left and go home to sleep… But I keep driving.

5:30pm

* Snap snap * - I put on my rollerskis, strap on my poles and begin to warm-up with the team. 5x5mins hard uphill double pole intervals. My eyes are drowsy on the first two intervals, and my legs are exhausted from standing all day. My body is on the edge. I grit my way through the third interval, my teammates Joey and Kieran are stronger than me at the start, but as the hill gets steeper I crank the tempo and go for the pass; victory, now just two more. I try the same move on the fourth interval and fail; on the fifth I am off the back. Lactate acid fills my arms, core and legs; I cannot possibly get enough air, I watch my teammates take off up the hill as I focus purely on the pain I am experiencing. I am done for the day.

7:30pm

I drive home.

7:45pm

I unpack my equipment from the car, head inside, eat a delicious dinner my awesome mom has made, and get ready for bed.

9:00pm

I lie out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and then fall into bed. In the few moments I lay there before I fall asleep I think to myself, “Just two more months of this. Just two more months and you’ll have enough money to go to Norway. You can do this. For the dream.”

Next day 4:40am

It’s dark. My phone lights up from across the room…

This was the typical routine last summer. One might ask, why? I know I do. Why put your body through this stress? Why put your mind through the stress? You’re not enjoying this, why are you doing it? Why do you revolve everything you do around this one thing?

When I ask myself these questions the answer is always, “because this is my dream.”

I could leave this post at that, but I have thought about this a lot over the past year. About what my goal is, why I want to do this so badly, and I think I finally have the explanation(s) I have been looking for. I have found three major components that I have been drawing my motivation from.

The first component of my athletic dream is curiosity. I am so curious to see how good I can get at this sport. What was once a bunny rabbits class my parents registered me for is now something that has provided my with the opportunity to travel the world, meet countless amazing friends, represent my country, and so much more. It is crazy; I want to see how much further I can take this. I am beyond privileged to have this opportunity and at the very least I have to try to see what I can do with it. To become the best skier I can be. I don’t want to look back on my ski career and ask myself, “what if”.

Where it all began

World Juniors 2017 

 

The second component is the materialistic stuff. The core of my motivation is curiosity, but I definitely have big goals of what I can do in terms of results. I want to stand on the start line for Canada at World Championships and at the Olympics. And more importantly, I want to cross the finish line for Canada with a race that myself, my friends, and my family can be proud of.  Each year that passes (especially this past one) these goals become more and more realistic. Watching the Olympics this year was inspiring as usual, and as it came to an end I thought for a second, “That was really cool, can’t wait to see the next one in four years.” Then it hit me, the next one, 2022, that’s us. It’s a bold claim, of course there will be a long list of strong Canadian athletes chasing those spots, but I am confident in my improvements and my plan to continue improving to set this goal for myself.

U23 Aggregate Podium Nationals 2018 ... progress. 

The third piece that has been on my mind recently has been apart from skiing. About a year and a half ago I decided that after my ski career I wanted to become a teacher. As a kid I often struggled in school, partly due to me genuinely not understanding stuff, partly due to my lack of interest and effort. I hated school; I hated how the teachers looked and spoke to me like I was stupid. The only thing that made it bearable was getting to see my friends everyday. If you asked me if I wanted to be a teacher a few years ago I would have said ‘no’ before you could finish the question. But over the past few years something changed, a realization, if you will. I have begun to realize the positive impact the good teachers have had on my life, and how important teachers are. If done right, I think teaching is the most impactful career in the world. In no other job does anyone get to interact, work, and speak with the next generation like a teacher does. So that’s what I want to do. I want to helps students find their passions, find what they want to do with their lives, or at the very least help them get a sense of direction. I also have a lot of ideas that I would like to work on and bring to the education system. This is a big goal for me post-ski career. 

But how is this a motivator for my skiing? Well, I think to myself a lot about whether I want to continue skiing, or pursue my to pursue my other life goals. Of course skiing is my focus now, but I do have a lot of other stuff I want to do. What keeps me focused on skiing is the life experience I will get out of pursuing my athletic dream. I think that if I just crushed out school for the next three to five years and became a teacher, I wouldn’t bring the value that I would like to have. I wouldn’t have the life experience that I think is so important in teaching. And who would I be to stand if front of a class and tell them to chase their dreams, if I didn’t see mine through myself? I have to at least try, try to see how far I can take my passion. If I am completely honest, a lot of the time this motivates me for my skiing more than my ski specific goals. What I do with the rest of my life beyond sport is really important to me, something beyond just myself. I don’t want to get too emotional on the blog, but I really want to world to be a better place because I was here, and I desperately don’t want it to be worse. I don’t know how big of a difference I can make; but I am thinking about it, and that’s a start.

That is the Readers Digest version of why I am still pursuing this. For me it is really important to ask myself the big “why”. Because of course I ski because I love it, but there comes a point where it is about more than just enjoying the sport. Everything I am doing in my life for the next number of years will revolve around skiing, and that means putting a lot of other life stuff on hold. I didn’t pack up my life in Canada and move to Norway just because I like to ski, I did it for of all of the reasons listed above. It’s for the dream.

So where does that leave us, what’s the next step? I just arrived home after my first full season in Norway. I am home to get surgery on my hips after struggling for the past few years with chronic pain. I’m not going to lie I am pretty nervous. A total recovery time of 4 months with 1 month in a wheelchair, it’s a little intimidating.

But my plan is to be travelling back to Norway as soon as I am better. After spending a year there I now truly realize how much room I have to improve. There is just a level there that you can’t experience anywhere else. I still have so much to learn and explore. And if I am taking my goals seriously, for myself, I have to be there. So the plan is to base out of Norway for the foreseeable future. I am really excited for it. 

From my first day in Norway with Team Asker, excited to continue working with this group

But following next week it will just be focusing on recovery. Maybe I will have some more frequent blogs while I'm posted up in a wheelchair, probably won't have much else to do. We will see. 

Thanks for reading! 

Until next time,

Rj 

reflection

It is crazy to me that a 6-month race season has come to an end. It feels like yesterday I was hugging my dad at the airport before boarding my flight to Norway. I almost don’t want to accept it… I want to keep learning, keep working, and keep improving. But at the same time my body is pretty raced out, physically and mentally. It’s time to look back on this season and start planning out the next one.

The highlight event since I last blogged was definitely Canadian Nationals. This was the first time I had competed in Canada since 2017 Canadian Nationals last March in Canmore. Going into it I had a lot of mixed feelings; I knew I had improved a lot this year, I knew I was faster than last year, but still I did not know how I was going to stand as a first year senior back home. But the only thing I had control of was what I did, so I took everything I had learned and worked on this year and applied it to the best of my ability.

I have to say it turned out pretty well. My teammate Scott and I kicked off the week with a silver medal in the Team Sprint. We were both pretty hungry for the win, so that silver was more of a sting than a reward (also still a little bit bitter that it was only two laps, I think that was silly). But when I break it down, this was an awesome race. We are both very much distance skiers, it was very much a sprinters course, and I was able to pull off some of the days fastest lap times. I just have to grit my teeth about falling short of a Nationals gold medal yet again; my day will come.

Team Sprint Final

Leading the charge in the Team Sprint

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Team Sprint Podium Ceremony

The 10km classic was also a solid race. Managed to pull off a top 5, about 15s off the win. I was really happy with the result, but I was also sort of frustrated with it. The frustration came with how my double pole technique collapsed on the second lap. I am at the point with my double pole technique where I can execute it well when I am fresh, but at a certain point it collapses.  I just know that once I can train myself to hold my technique at its best for a whole race, it will be as much as 30s faster per 5km. But as frustrating as this is, it is also exciting to know that I still have so much more room to improve.

The 10km was followed with a 15km skate pursuit. This was a super fun race. Battling head to head in the lead pack was really exciting for me in a skate race (until I took a nice spill in the last 1.5 km… got to learn to keep my skis away from the snow banks). The past few years I feel that my skate skiing has been really underrated, just from my inconsistency with my shin, feet and hip issues make it appear that my skate skiing is sort of rough. But this year I really feel that my skate skiing is close to being on par with my classic. My top classic performances still outclass my skating, but for the most part, I am becoming a much more balanced skier. The next day I qualified for the heats, in a senior skate sprint! I barely made it (30^th), but I was stoked. In my heat I got the last lane choice, so I was stuck on the outside with my lane ending 50m after the tracks. I somehow managed to out-sprint everyone out of the gates, and I found myself leading a bunch of senior sprinters onto the course. I had no idea what I was doing, I didn’t have a plan, and even if I did, I never would have expected to be leading. I ended up getting passed by everyone, finishing last in my heat. But this was the most fun I have had in a ski race in a long time. I had everything to win and nothing to lose. I just had fun; I won the first 400m, and tried my best to hang onto some of Canada’s top sprinters … I am far from being a great sprinter, but I have come a long way, and I’ll continue to get better.

Skate Sprint Qualifier

hanging on for dear life...  

The week wrapped up with the 50km classic, the ultimate race in cross-country skiing; the one for all the marbles. I had been thinking about this race all season, I knew I could do well in it. I approached it knowing I could do really well, but also invested time to respect how strong the competition was as well. Some of these guys have competed on World Cup, at the Olympics, or at the top Canadian level for multiple years. Coming in as a first year senior I had to respect that. The pace was quite controlled until the 19km mark, where my teammate Scott made a kick just as he told me he would the day before. A group of three broke off the front up this big hill, I attempted to follow but was slightly off pace. I found myself alone in no mans land, about 50m off the breakaway, and 50m away from the chase pack. At this point I had a decision to make, do I burn a few matches and catch the breakaway, or save some energy and drop back to the main group? It was an easy decision. Every race I had done in Norway this year, I have tried to hold a pace that was slightly, or significantly, too fast for me (and blowing up fantastically, or blowing up moderately every time). This was what I had been training myself to do all year. While staying relaxed, I accelerated through the stadium and worked my double pole to catch up to the breakaway. After about 6/700m of high pace chasing, I had closed the gap. I was back in it, leading in a group of 4, breaking away from some of the top seniors in the country. Throughout the next lap I had a huge realization. I closed a gap on the leaders through a double pole section… double poling has always been my weakness in classic, and now it is one of my strengths. It just made me think of all of the discussions with my coach & teammates back in Norway on how I could double pole better; and all of the workouts on the rollerski treadmill, all of the work I had done on my double pole since the fall … now my technique was one of the strongest on course, crazy. By the 27.5km mark the group became three, Scott continued to push the pace and we steadily pulled further and further away from the chase pack. 

Chasing National Champion, EPC!

Leading the breakaway

*looks straight at camera but doesn't smile*

At around 35km my body started to cramp up. My calves, my low back, and my triceps were the worst. At one point my left arm completely locked out, I had to reach over with my right arm and pull my left arm back into a bend. I had to make a conscious effort not to straighten out my muscles too much, or they would just seize up like a rusty old car. Whenever I felt myself starting to fall apart, I’d just think to myself of all the sessions I had done with guys like Harald or Erland back in Asker. I say to myself in my head, “this is no harder then holding your teammates pace back in Norway, you’ve done this before, relax, this pace is nothing special.”

The last kilometre of the course with a downhill into two rather large climbs, then a false flat and small downhill into the finish. For some reason I had this fresh rush of energy heading into this section. My plan was to wait until the finish and work my double pole, but this rush of energy gave me so much confidence for these last two climbs. The three of us came barreling into the bottom of the first hill – it was time to send it. I went into a full on run up this massive climb, feeling totally in control. Until about 30s into the climb, my body completely shut down. That energy I thought I had was all of a sudden disappeared in an instant. I lost contact with both Evan and Scott as they crested with an impressive pace. I arrived at the finish line with a career best result. 3^rd place as a first year senior, top U23 on the day. I do wonder if the result would have been different if I stuck to my original plan, if I waited to make it a finishing sprint. But you can never know, it felt like the right call in the moment, and I went for it. I am proud of this race.

Across the finish

bruh

Scotty and I coming to terms with letting a Lappe skier win :P 

TEAM

Senior Mens Podium

Congrats Evan on your hometown National title!

(That was a really long analysis of one race, sorry about that. This was just a special one)

 After a successful week at Canadian Nationals, it was straight back to Norway for more training and racing. I had a few good sessions with the team back here in Asker and a bit of time to rest leading into the races at Norwegian Nationals 2 in Alta, Norway.

Alta is quite a beautiful place. By far the furthest north I have ever been (if you have a moment, you should search it on Google maps, it is pretty ridiculous).

I competed in the 10km classic and the 50km skate (both individual start). The 10km was a solid race, result was decent, but I was a little frustrated with it still. I just know at this point I am capable of more. Was able to catch a ride off of Matias Rundgreen (who was 9^th on the day I think) and I surprised myself by how controlled I felt. I was holding his pace and I felt completely relaxed. But of course, as all good things come to an end, I had a stupid crash, lost the ride along with my rhythm. I panicked and burned way too much energy trying to catch back up… got to learn to stay on my feet pt2. 

The 50km skate was on track to be one of my best races of the season. I was cruising around the 60^th position range, which was closing on a top 50 pace each lap. I felt completely in control. Until about 35km, I really started to hurt. By 40km I was closer to a corpse than a ski racer. Have you ever wrung out a wet towel or dishcloth as hard as you could to get the water out? Well that is exactly what my left quad did with about 6km to go. I just remember pulling off to the side of the trail and just screaming in pain. I somehow managed to hobble through the last 6km on empty with my vision reduced to a narrow tunnel, and a less than functional peg leg. It is safe to say I lost a bit of time… Overall I am a consistent ski racer, but when I bonk, I BONK. But hey, I finished my second 50km of the season; I didn’t have to DNF (phew…). I shouldn’t dwell on the fact that some races could have been better, I should be looking at what I did well and how I can improve for the future.

That is one of the best things about being here. Whether I have a good race or a bad race, I can always learn and improve from it. You know, when I first moved to Norway, I wasn’t 100% sure about what I was going to get out of it. I mean, of course I knew I wanted to learn from people that are faster than me, learn about technique, racing, training, and all that; but I didn’t know how I was going to digest it and apply it to myself. My mentality was always looking at it as a 3-5 year plan, so I would be okay if this year I didn’t see any significant improvements. These things take time, and that is okay, I have to be patient. But that is also why when I went back for Canadian Nationals I was so shocked. The investment I planned for years down the road is already showing results. Of course I always thought about getting a senior nationals podium, but I had to be real with myself and remind myself of the long-term vision. So when I found myself racing amongst some of the best skiers in Canada, all I cold think to myself was, “damn… where are we going to be 3-5 years from now?”

Pushing this level was really fun and exciting, but it also scares me. It made me realize I am in this next group of people chasing National Team spots, World Cup starts, and leading the next generation of Canadian skiing… I feel very privileged, but also scared because I know I am nowhere near World Cup caliber yet. We've got work to do. 

Regardless of where I end up in the years to come, this was an amazing year; I can’t really believe it’s over (but my body does). I know I am not some athletic prodigy, but to me that is what makes this journey so cool. How much you can improve as an athlete and as a person by investing in yourself and working towards your goals. If I could take one thing I learned this year and share it with the world, it would be emphasizing the try, fail, learn, apply, succeed concept. Maks and I wanted to get better at skiing, so we buckled down, made plans, and went for it. Now we are living in Norway, chasing our dreams. It sounds cliché, but I can’t explain to you how many times we have messed up. Messed up training, racing, along with a long list of ‘adulting’ stuff. But those are what I have learned from the most, that is what being young is for. The most valuable things I have learned in my life have been from completely screwing stuff up and doing my best to fix it and to know better for next time.

There is a long list of people that have been supporting me, teaching me, and cheering for me; and I just want to say I appreciate all of you. You know who you are!

I was going to include my plans for these next few years in this blog, but this one is getting a bit lengthy. I’ll have a post coming out sometime this week addressing that (maybe one of my favourite posts yet, so don’t miss it). For the near future I am pushing some strength and volume here in Norway, maybe another race or two. Doing my best to prepare myself for surgery in May.

One last note, do you guys like the style of this blog? Most of my recent posts have been pretty much just been me giving more detail about my races and some training sessions. It’s perfect for me, forces me reflect and put some actual thought into what I have done and what I am doing. Of course I will always just write whatever comes naturally, it’s healthy for me. But I am aware that the audience of this blog is growing; and I am curious to hear your feedback!

Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

Rj

experience

And just like that… there are only 3 major race events left this season.

I left you off just before Norwegian Nationals in January; lets talk about that. Norwegian Nationals may have been one of the coolest experiences of my life. When you hear about Norwegian ski culture and how they are crazy about this sport, this is what they are talking about. We arrived at the site the night before the first race and the place looked as though they were preparing for a major World Cup event. The first race day was the classic sprint, and even in the prologue the trails were lined with spectators, and as the day went on they really flooded in. After the prologue we went out to pre-ski the distance course for the next day; and there were hundreds of kids sprinting through the forest alongside of the trail cheering us on (as we hobbled along at a pedestrian zone1 pace). It was really surreal to see so many people that were so crazy about skiing. I love it.

The following day was the 15km skate. This was a really strong race for me until the final 3km. I was on track to ski myself to a top 80/90 result, and felt strong, controlled, but I knew I was just riding the edge. In the first two major climbs of my final lap I completely fell apart – I just remember skiing with both of my legs completely locked with lactate and my upper body was like a wet noodle. I managed to lose nearly a minute on the group I was skiing with in the last 3km. I am still quite happy with this performance, I went out at a pace that was too fast for me, and I paid the price. But that is a great learning experience, I now know what that level of pace feels like and I know that I am capable of it. This time I bonked at 12km, maybe the next race I hold the pace until 13km, then 14km, and so on.

I know I have said this 1000 times before, but the variety of levels here in Norway is absolutely priceless. Getting to compare yourself against the best, and against everyone in between you and them. I cannot even begin to explain how helpful this has been when it comes to learning, planning, and executing my plan to improve as a skier.

TV time at Norwegian Nationals

The next day was the 30km skiathlon. Since the beginning of the year I was quite excited for this race. I was seeded 86^th of 130 or so racers; from my position, it looked like I was trying to get home from Toronto during rush hour. The gun went off and I sprinted with everything I had to gain some ‘easy’ positions before the bottleneck. The fun thing about racing in Norway, is that after the initial starting sprint it doesn’t settle to a controlled pace like it does back in Canada. After the start, everyone keeps hammering, everyone if trying to hold on pace with someone that is slightly faster than them. I managed to ski myself into a good position at the end of the classic leg, and it was time for the next 15km of skating. By the 20km mark I felt my muscles starting to go into survival mode, completely locked out and was pushing as hard as I could just to stay with the group I was with. I just have a vivid memory of suffering up one of the last climbs of the lap, my body full of lactate, wheezing, getting a nice strong whiff of beer and cigarette from the spectators as they screamed at us top of their lungs at us. It was awesome.

I ended up 72^nd place on the day, less than 7 minutes of the winner (Sundby). I am proud of this race. Last year in Beitostølen, I was nearly 7 minutes off in a 15km; I was 6:55 off in this 30km. I am getting faster.

The final day of Nationals was the relay – one of the craziest things I have ever seen and experienced. Now you would think since it’s a relay, the mass start would be a little less crazy, right? Wrong. There were nearly 150 teams on the start line. I was the lead classic leg for Asker Team #3. It was a 3x10km relay, 1 leg classic, and two legs skate. I felt absolutely wrecked this race. My muscles burned up right out of the start, I felt like I was having a terrible run. I was purely fighting just to lose the least amount of seconds for my teammates (I actually ended up having a decent result, moving from 83^rd position to tagging off in 44^th, 90s off the lead). My team ended up 28^th place on the day – super cool to be amongst the top 30 in a race like this. Even cooler, Team Asker #4 also moved up the ranks to 61^st   position, Team Asker #2 finished 13^th place, and Team Asker #1 claimed the bronze medal. I remember watching our #1 team on the big screen, seeing our teammates Erland and Harald racing with World Cup athletes. It was so crazy. Maks and I watched Harald barrel down the finishing straight with Emil Iverson and Simen Krueger (who both have won world cups this season, and one is now an Olympic champion), and we nodded and said, “Well, I think we picked the right team”.

Asker Team 3: Sjur, Ola, Me (photo: Coach Ola)

This weekend of racing really ignited my motivation for skiing. Not that I was unmotivated, it just was a really cool realization of how cool this sport is. Just to be a part of something that this country is so passionate about, I really respect and appreciate that. I know I am nowhere near that level right now, and that’s okay. But just to be amongst a huge group of people chasing down that level of excellence with so much passion is a privilege.

Following Nationals I rested hard for a couple days, and decided to try and make a decent push of training until the next Norwegian Cup (3.5 weeks after). Two weeks in I absolutely cracked. The training I had done wasn’t crazy, but it was enough to push me over the edge. After having a few rather poor intensity workouts & local races, I completely took the foot off the gas 9 days out from the Norwegian Cup in Åsen. This was pretty tough mentally for me. I know that if I take the pressure off too much before racing, I get really flat and tend to race rather poorly. But I was in the hole, and my only option was to rest and recover from it.

I was able to pull off some of my best results yet this season. Cracking the top 70 in the 30km classic (interval start) and top 80 in the 15km skate. This is decent progression, but I still know I am capable of more. In the 30km my double pole technique completely collapsed after 10km. I know if I can get to the point where I can hold it together for the entirety of the race I can go minutes faster over the course of 30km, or however long the race is. I skied a full lap with a skier who ended up in the top 30. No, I wasn’t able to hold that pace, but I know what it feels like, I was close, I can get there.

And finally being able to show that my skate skiing is on par with my classic skiing was a big confidence booster as well. I know I can skate ski at a high level, there are just more variables that can ruin skate races for me when it comes to feet, shin and groin pain.

Every race here in Norway I am learning, finding ways to become better. I can’t see myself not racing here in the future. (I will write a more in depth blog post on this at the end of the season).

So that takes us until now, currently writing from Trondheim for a Scandinavian Cup. Should be a fun weekend. Following that I am flying back to Canada next weekend to and will be competing at Canadian Nationals. I am super excited for that. It will be interesting to see how I can stack up against the Senior field back home, I know I have gotten faster, but so has everyone on the Canadian circuit. Of course it’d be nice to go home and be a super star skier that got insanely fast after 1 year in Norway; but I know that isn’t the reality of it. My investment in Norway goes years down the road. My approach to it is that when I am 24, 25, 26, my time and work put in here will show. That is when I expect to see the biggest progression.

But like I say all of the time, my goal is to be my best. Of course I like seeing progression with my times, results and seeing those goals through … but I made a promise to myself years ago that at the core of it is this pursuit of becoming the best me I can be. And so far I am doing that justice, always working on something to become a better skier, and person. So with that said, I look forward to competing this weekend, and to race with my fellow Canucks back home. I look forward to giving it my all.

Thanks for stopping by. Until next time,

Rj