Well, it has been about a week since I have returned from
World Juniors… I have been taking time to reflect on the experience and make
sure my perception was clear; I am ready to share all of that to the blog world
now.
Going into worlds this year I had a completely different
approach than I did last year in Romania. Last year I surprised myself a little
just by qualifying, and with that I had no real expectation of myself other
than trying my best – I had no understanding yet of what is was like to race
against the best. This year was different; I have grown a lot since last year
and have a greater understanding of what it is like to race at the
international level. Thus before I had even qualified I had an understanding of
what I was capable of and what I expected of myself at worlds. I knew from how
I had developed from where I was last year, how I raced in Norway, and through
the training I had put in – that I had the capacity to really perform at worlds
this year. I am not a huge fan of looking at results, but I knew I was capable
of a top 15 or better if I had a good day. For those who don’t know already,
this was not the case.
So, how did the whole thing play out? Lets take a step back
2-3 weeks and break it down.
After trials I stayed in Utah for a few extra days before
heading back home (wasn’t initially planning on going home, but I was
absolutely wrecked after trials so I decided to get back down to sea level to
recover). I had 4-5 days at home before I connected out to Canmore for a
pre-worlds mini-camp. I was on the fence of first going out the Westerns in
Whistler before heading to Canmore, but my logic in not going was that it would
be too much condensed travel
(Utah -> home 3,4 days -> Whistler 3,4 days ->
Canmore 5 days -> Utah/Worlds 4 days then race)
In hindsight I still should have gone to Westerns, but we’ll
get to that. Initially I was pretty frustrated with having to go to Canmore
since my club had planned well ahead and we rented a house in Utah to stay at
so that those who qualified could stay and train on the actual courses and
altitude for an extended time. But, it was not the end of the world; I
completely understand the value in getting the team together before competing.
Canmore was a great place to get a good training block in – my criticism of it
would be that I felt like it was a little too comfortable… what I mean by that
is that it felt like we got into too much of a static training environment and
I do not feel that it made me race ready.
 |
| TT in Canmore |
 |
| TT in Canmore |
After 7,8 days in Canmore, it was time to head down to Soldier
Hollow, Utah for worlds. I was feeling pretty confident and felt relatively
strong upon arriving, I wasn’t feeling crazy peppy but more than anything I was
mentally prepared for the races to come. Until our 2nd day in Utah I
was told I had been subbed out of the first distance race (10km skate). The
coaches in Canmore mentioned the possibility of me being subbed out, but I
really did not expect them to make the call with having a clear meeting
beforehand; I was pretty pissed. I heard their reasoning for subbing me out –
essentially the coaches wanted to select athletes to race based off US
Nationals/trials as closely as possible… and out of the 5 Jr. athletes our
coaches had to choose from, I was 5th in the 15km skate at trials,
and there are 4 entry spots per race at worlds. So on paper it makes sense, I
was the slowest in what was the most comparable race to the 10km skate at
worlds. I understand their logic, but it was because I understand that I feel
comfortable criticizing the call. The logic being used for selection on the
trip was very analytical; which
seems like a safe bet, but neither ski racing, nor any sport is analytical.
There is so much more to competing than pure numbers. I had a rough go in the
15km skate at trials and was only 8 seconds off being in the top 4 (had I been
1min+ off I would have been far more supportive of the decision) … in addition,
historically I have always performed strongly in 10km events in comparison to
15km. I was bothered mostly because I was told after trials that I was selected
3rd for the distance team, and therefore would have the opportunity
to race all of the distance races at worlds; I just felt cheated. It also made
me a bit extra nervous, what was the biggest race of my season would now be my
first race at worlds and my first race since racing at US Nationals 3-4 weeks
prior. But, whether I agreed with the decision or not, I could not change it –
put a positive spin on it telling myself I would be more rested and continued onto
the skiathlon.
After watching races all week by the time the skiathlon came
around I just wanted to race. The team had been doing quite well, an
exceptional sprint day for the Jr. Men (all 4 in the top 36, Etienne (17th)
and Reed (25th) both in heats) and a sweet top 20 by Gareth on the
10km skate day. I was psyched. The night before the race I only slept about 2-3
hours, guess a combination of nerves and just not being tired – I was not
worried though, still felt confident I would do well. Being seeded 44th,
I was put in the 9th row – so I knew I had some passing to do. I had
a good start, made it up to the top 20 or so in the first 2km or so, until I
got pinched into a corner and had to watch as another 10-15 skiers passed me
and I found myself back where I started. Not letting it stress me out, I made
my plan of attack to steadily push my way back into the top 20 through the next
7.5 of the classic leg. I realized it would be exceedingly difficult when my
energy bonked and I started to really hurt in the 2nd lap at the 3km
mark or so… I felt like I already had to grind and I was 3km into a 20km race –
17km is a long time to spend in the pain cave. I just continued to hold and
push my pace and really just hoped I would find some new energy in the skate
leg. Buuut that was not the case; I skied out of the skate transition feeling
like a baby deer (or a fawn I suppose) on ice. The 2nd 10km was
pretty excruciating, fought with everything I had but I could not hang onto my
technique, power, or any of the skiers passing me. It was a truly long 10km.
Finishing 31st and minutes off the leaders, I was
beyond disappointed. It was the first time ever I had finished the race and
genuinely been upset with myself, even though I had tried my best. I truly
believed that this was my race to succeed in, but I failed. My parents came
down to watch and it was my only race both of them got to see, so that made me
feel pretty bad as well. Felt like a pretty big letdown as a whole – sad Rj.
(S/O to the dude Gareth on his 11th place finish in the skiathlon though. Expect big things from us up and coming Juniors)
(S/O to the dude Gareth on his 11th place finish in the skiathlon though. Expect big things from us up and coming Juniors)
 |
| 20km Skiathlon |
 |
| 20km Skiathlon |
 |
| 20km Skiathlon |
 |
| 20km Skiathlon |
To top off this day another pretty ridiculous decision was made, that I was rather upset about. The coaches took my club teammate and Team
Canada teammate, Scott, out of the U23 30km skiathlon because he caught a 24hr bug two days earlier… to my understanding, the coaches made a call to a doctor (who
was in CANADA) and made the call to take Scott out of the race because they
were “concerned for his health” and “couldn’t risk another poor result”. I call
BS. Scott clearly expressed that he ahd recovered and was more than fine to
race. Even if he was deathly sick, he is clearly still our best distance U23
skier Canada; whether he is ill or not – so to sub him out in fear of a poor
result is exceedingly ignorant. It really irritates me too how these decisions
are always being made without discussion with the athletes as well. I
understand the coaches and trip leaders are responsible for the logistics of
registration and substitution of athletes, but to do it without having a real
discussion with the athlete of whether it is the right call or not? Where’s the
logic there? We athletes are the ones racing… are we not? Would the athletes
not know best how they feel and who will be fast in each race? Most of the
coaches haven’t raced in decades so it’s super annoying to me when they feel
they can read whether an athlete is going to perform well or not. In my
scenario where I got subbed out, I can understand it, I do not agree with it –
but I see the logic. In this scenario there is no logic, just a big bias and a
really dumb decision. I feel like I’m getting more rattled over this than Scott
himself, but that’s my teammate, and if my teammate(s) get cheated out of an
opportunity they earned and deserved – I am going to argue against it. I think
everyone who was on the Canadian team this year should feel this way to a
certain extent. It’s also kind of a coincidence that two Team Hardwood athletes
got taken out of races that they were initially supposed to be racing … not making any claims, it's just an interesting coincidence.
As annoying as stuff like this is, sometimes you’ve just got to keep
pushing forward. I took some time to be a grumpy and upset, but after that it
was time to get up to support our U23s racing the next day and get ready for the
relay.
Not sure what went wrong in the relay, but things just did
not come together. The most important positive of the relay was that we
believed we could succeed; in comparison to last years mentality this was a big
step in the right direction. Whether the result was a demonstration of that or
not, genuinely believing something is possible is fundamentally crucial. I
still believe that we are a team capable of a top 5 or even a podium at worlds
– just need to keep working towards that day. For myself personally in the
relay, I was satisfied with my performance, not stoked, but satisfied. I wasn’t
sharp by any means, but I pushed a real gutty effort and I am content with
that.
 |
| Relay |
 |
| Relay |
Looking back at the whole experience, there are a lot of
things there were a lot of occurrences that were less than ideal that I was not
happy with. In plain sight it probably appears as a real rough time; I mean...
all I’ve really done so far in this post is complain about stuff (sorry). But
when I break it down, there are a lot of positives to take away and build off
of. I learned some technical aspects to help me improve. I now know I should
have gone to westerns and that races leading up to an important race is quite
crucial for my preparation. Recognizing that I have improved a huge amount from
last year, but that I still have so much more space to improve, technique,
fitness, mental game and many other things (which is really, really good).
Seeing all of the space I have to improve gives me a lot of hope. Fixing and
improving all of these aspects will not be easy, but I definitely know I can
get a lot faster.
I always have to remind myself of how cool all of this is. I
got to represent Canada at World Juniors, again. I have been recognized in the
Canadian ski community that I am one of the top young & developing athletes
and I have been privileged with so many opportunities because of that. That is
pretty cool. Racing against the best skiers my age in the entire world – that
is cool. I had a rough race and was still borderline top 30 – happy or not with
the race, 31st is a respectable result, and we can do so much better
– that’s cool. I got to spend a week with skiers from all over the world, with
big dreams just like me – that is cool. It sounds like I am just boasting, but
I genuinely just think this is all pretty surreal. At the end of the day I’m
just a normal kid, trying his best at something he loves doing… and that in combination
of me working really hard, all of these experiences are real now – COOL.
 |
| The Boys |
For me it is really important to remind myself of how
privileged I am to have all of this, reminds me why I do what I do and what I
want to do with my goals.
With that most of my feelings of World Juniors 2017 is
summarized, what a ride. What I wanted to be a destination of a result, turned
into an opportunity to learn, grow and improve. That’s life, and I am excited
to get back to work. For me the next step of my season will be a nice big
training block for February with the Gatineau Loppet (50km Classic) this coming
weekend and OUAs in Midland. Then down to U.S. Jr. Nationals in Lake Placid, NY and
back out to Canmore again for Nationals – I am stoked.
Thanks for reading if you made it here, apologies if some
pieces didn’t make sense or if it was kind of a negative post – just keeping it
real. Moral of the story, choose the battles worth fighting, and fail forward.
Best,
Rj
