Well, this is slightly overdue. It has been about 3 weeks
since I lined up on the start line for the last time this season. The reason
why this is so late is primarily because I am getting really good at procrastinating;
but also because after the season I make sure to take a really good mental
break and shut my mind off anything ski related. So by now I have had plenty of
time to look back on the season, reflect, and to obtain a sense of direction
for the next step.
Where I left you guys off last was after worlds, and most of
the colours I had to share on that scenario. Following that, I went on to race
my first 50km at the Gatineau Loppet as well as OUA Championships in Midland.
The Gatineau Loppet was a great experience, extremely humbling. I knew 50km was
going to be a long haul, but despite my awareness I was ill prepared for the
final 20km after hitting the 30km mark. Lets just say it was a huge sufferfest.
Despite trashing the last 15/20km I still managed to pull of a 2nd
place finish, so I was pretty happy with that – I was even more content with
having the experience. My next 50km I will be stronger and worlds faster. OUAs
was also a fun experience. It is nice being able to have a race weekend being
based out of home; it is not something that happens often.
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| OUAs (photo: mom) |
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| Dad & I at OUAs (photo: mom) |
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| Hurting at OUAs (photo: mom) |
With decent racing and training in Febraury, March swung
around with the final two weeks of racing. The two race weeks that were now the
biggest focuses of my season; U.S. Jr. Nationals and Canadian National
Championships. I drove down to U.S. Jr. Nationals in Lake Placid and met up
with a crew of Canadians from all over the country. It was kind of cool to
collaborate with other clubs and for us to come together and represent Canada. This
was an amazing event; the energy and atmosphere were pretty awesome. And despite
there being very little to no snow in Lake Placid they still held the races
around a 2.5km man made loop at the ski jump site. The races included a 10km
skate interval start, a 1.5km classic sprint, a 15km classic interval start
(was supposed to be mass start), and a relay (which we did not participate in.
As Canadians we were well represented; in the 10km skate for the Jr. Men, the 4
of us all came in the top 7. On the classic day I had one of the slowest
qualifiers of my life. I believe I qualified 24th or 25th
and was only a few seconds out of missing the top 30 and was upwards of 25s off
the top qualifier. I’m aware that sprint qualifiers are not my forte, but this
was exceptionally bad. But refocusing for the heats, I managed to clutch my way
through the quarters and semis and found myself in the final, along with two
other Canadians, Etienne Hebert and Reed Godfrey. Having the Canadians take up
half of the final was a pretty cool experience. In addition we were on the top
end of the final. Reed took the W, Etienne was 3rd, and I came in 4th
(until Etienne got disqualified and I got bumped to 3rd). All around
a real fun day of racing that I will remember forever. The last race was the
15km classic, which was changed to an interval start; I was not super pumped on
the change because I am a big fan of mass starts, but it wasn’t the end of the
world. Unfortunately I couldn’t make it happen in this race. I just felt super
flat and could not hold my technique together. I was kind of bummed; I was
confidant that I should have been a top contender for this race. But all in all
another good day for the Canadian guys, all 4 of us in the top 11, solid
representation. And with that it was a wrap on U.S. Jr. Nationals and it was
time to refocus on Canadian Nationals the following week in Canmore.
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| U.S. Nationals in a nutshell (photo: Team R.A.D.) |
Nationals is always an awesome way to finish the season. The
week began with a new event, the relay cross. There was a lot of skepticism
from people when this event was brought up; I personally really enjoyed it. A
3km skate with obstacles is definitely not my strong suit, but I think the race
was a nice change and added a new dynamic to Nationals. I think it was a little
weaksauce that a lot of people chose not to race it for whatever reason; a
national’s race is a national’s race and a national’s medal is a national’s
medal and athletes should be ready to put their best foot forward in every
single one. That’s just my perspective, I’m sure there are some legitimate
reasons for taking the first day off. The day after the relay cross was the
10km skate. An extremely frustrating race, the hard track glazed conditions did
not play in my favour. I hate making excuses but my feet, shins, and groin
pains took me to a nasty place; it was more of a matter of staying upright than
it was racing. Usually I can tough through things like this but when the pains
get as intense as they were in that race it is a little bit surreal.
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| slalom course in the relay cross (photo: James Maclean) |
Luckily we had a rest day afterwards as I turned my focus to
the 15km Classic, which was really the focus of my week. Coming into the season
I had two real big things I wanted to accomplish, results-wise. I wanted to
race into the top group at worlds, and I wanted to win nationals. I had already
failed my objective for worlds, so I was beyond determined to take home a gold
medal at nationals; and I knew my best shot was the 15km classic. Being aware
of this I knew my best plan was to not think of the goal the day of the race; I
didn’t write a race plan or even really think about the race until I was in the
start pen. My plan was to just go out and race, hold the best technique I can,
and go as hard as I possible could. This may have been one of the best 15km
races I have skied. I crossed the line in the 1st place position and
held the position until there was just one more junior on course (Gareth). I
remember waiting at the finish, watching the athletes still on course, and
being as nervous as ever as Gareth came down the finishing straight. I remember
the pause and the announcer yelling, “and I think he’s done it, you have a new
leader. Ryan Jackson will move to 2nd”. I rarely get bitter after
races, but I was pretty rattled. I could taste the win when I ran up the final
hill and crested into the finish. I raced the best race I possibly could have
on that day, and I lost. I took off on my skis and went off into the woods
skiing very angrily. But I never forget the rule my team learned from Kikkan
Randall, the 30min rule. The rule is that no matter good or bad your race is or
how happy or sad you are about it, you have 30mins after your race to be upset
or stoked about it and then you have to come back to earth and be humble and
refocus on the next objective. So after my 30mins, I returned to the stadium, thanked
some volunteers, talked to Coach Ron, and congratulated Gareth. And the more I
think about it, if I’m going to lose, I would 10/10 times rather lose to a
friend. Really proud of how Gareth has stepped up this year; breaking trails
internationally and domestically for us. Definitely a leader for us young guys
moving up in the ski world.
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| 15km Classic (photo: James Maclean) |
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| 15km Classic (photo: James Maclean) |
The following day was the classic sprint. Unfortunately made
a tactical error (I guess part of the error was not skiing fast enough) and got
bumped out in the quarters. I was pretty shook again; I knew I belonged in the
final for a classic sprint. It just felt I was getting back up from the day
before and got a good slap right in the face. But that’s sprinting, sometimes
you have to make a split second decision; sometimes that decision is right, and
sometimes it is wrong.
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| Classic Sprint (photo: James Maclean) |
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| The Start - Classic Sprint (photo: James Maclean) |
And with that it was on the last race of the season, the
30km mass start skate. This is a race I will remember for the rest of my life. At
the start gate I was stoked to take on 4 laps of a pretty challenging 7.5km
course. Managed to stay out of trouble out of the gate, but got a little bit
boxed in during the fist lap so I couldn’t respond when Phil, Gareth, and Antoine
took off the front. So for the later part of the 1st lap I took it
upon myself to close the gap as soon as possible. The 2nd half of
the 1st lap was some of the smoothest and most efficient skate
skiing I had ever done. I continued to close the gap consistently without too
much strenuous effort, until about 1.5/2km into the 2nd lap. At
around the 9km mark my energy levels just began to plummet, and continued to do
so at a rapid rate. By the time I was finishing my second lapped I had already
been passed by what like half of the field, and I had sub zero energy to spend.
Climbing out of the stadium on my third lap, my left quad wrenched into a cramp
like I had never felt before – so now I had a peg leg to drag through the rest
of the race. I remember just recognizing that this was beyond a bonk, it was if
my body was rejecting the concept of movement. I knew was going to have to push
as hard as I could just to finish the race. My focus had gone from chasing the
win to just making it to the finish line. I have always been adamant about
finishing races, and I am extremely proud of finishing this race. But at the
same time I look back on that race and question whether finishing was a good
idea on a health perspective. Usually I don’t concern myself on how hard I dig
myself into a hole; what leaves me unsettled is that I don’t remember the last
lap and a half of the race … bits and pieces, yes, but as a whole I remember
skiing with my cramped leg around some of the third lap, and then being KO’ed
on the ground at the finish line and some of my teammates and my sister there.
Wild.
Looking back on this race, I probably would not have crashed and burned nearly as hard if I didn't try to close the gap. Had I just sat in the group, I still probably would have died, but not as early and not in a equivalently epic fashion. But I bet I could have hung on to a top end position. Knowing this I still wouldn't change a thing, even if I didn't have what it took to win on that day, I would still rather blow up epic-ly while trying to win than come top 10 being conservative.
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| Calm before the storm - 30km Skate (photo: James Maclean) |
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| RIP Rj - 30km Skate (photo: James Maclean) |
My coach and I have a few ideas of what happened. Chances
are it was a combination of things, but I will be definitely approaching
extended altitude more carefully in the future. And with that the season was a
wrap for me, all in all full of extremely high quality experiences.
(That was meant to just be a brief summary of the remainder
of the season, shoot)
Looking back on all of it I have a lot of mixed feelings. I
fell short of the both of the achievements I wanted to accomplish. I couldn’t
pull it together at worlds and I again fell short of the gold at nationals. Not
winning nationals still stings me a little. I have been privileged enough to
medal at nationals 7 or 8 times since I began competing more seriously, none of
them being gold. It seems whenever I am having a clutch race there is always
someone who is just on another level than me on that day. Now moving up in to
senior it becomes an even taller order to stand on top of that podium. But as
important as that dream of being National Champion was for me, it is not over.
One day will be my day; I know it. In addition I recognize my performances as a
junior do not define how successful I will be as an athlete. It is a good
checkpoint to make sure I am on track for the big picture.
I also have to recognize all of the great things from this
season. I did not reach the goals I set for myself, but I still hit some
stellar landmarks and made some huge improvements. Looking at last season, at
U.S. Nationals 2015/2016 in Houghton, MI, I was struggling to crack the top 20.
This season at U.S. Nationals 2016/2017 in Solider Hollow, UT, I came home with
a gold and silver medal (and that silver was to fellow Canadian “Young Rem”).
Last year I had a great race at worlds and wound up 46th. This year
I had a rough race at worlds and wound up 31st. I went to Norway for
a month and within that month I went from a tail end skier to a top 20 skier at
the Scandinavian Cup. These are the progressions I need to look at; this is
good stuff. It also says something for our Jr. Men category in Canada this
year, everyone in this category made similar improvements, if not more this
season. That’s a big deal! I really think we are going to see big things from
us. Obviously there are a lot of phenomenal talents in the ski community, but I
really believe some of the best skiers in Canada are going to come from the
97/98 guys. I am totally biased because these are the guys I race against all
the time. But I am so confident with what I’ve seen and how far we’ve come.
Really excited to continue moving forward with these guys.
Another approach of reflection on my season is making sure I
don’t get caught up in results. I have been finding the more and more with
improvements in sport that it becomes easier and easier to get engulfed with
result based goals and standards. A lot of times I have had to take a step back
and make sure I am still in it for the right reasons. Yes I want all of the
results and to achieve these goals, but at its foundation I love skiing, I love
racing, and I have a dream of being the best skier I can be. That is just
something I have to remind myself of when the training, racing, and entire
atmosphere gets more intense. Remember why you do what you do.
With all of that – where’s the next step? Well, there are a
lot of directions I could be heading in this coming season depending on what
happens. Ideally, I want to spend the majority of my season in Norway next
season. After being there for a month I realized that I had so much to learn.
So I want to go race them as much as possible and also train with them. I have
a lot of ground to cover when it comes to improving my technique, and I think
by spending a lot of time training with Norwegians would be extremely
beneficial. So I have been working pretty hard on making plans to make that
happen. If I do I will still have a focus on trials in Canada, going for a U23
world championships spot, as well as Canadian Nationals. What would complicate
this is that I am also on a waiting list to have hip surgery …
(For those who do not know, here’s a brief summary: I have
had chronic groin/abdominal pain that intensifies with exercise for the past 4+
years. Recently, on about Dr. #20 we discovered I have misshaped femoral heads
so that could be a large causation of my pain).
… So depending on when I get called in for that, it could be
anytime from now, until next spring – I will have to refocus my objectives for
this season. If the date ends up being anywhere past June, I will most likely
turn it down and wait until next spring (double hip operations take a bit of
time to bounce back from, even for a stud like me). If it is before then I will
probably jump under the knife, but likely stay domestic and postpone my Norway
plan for a year. I don’t like the idea of going back under the knife, but I am
reaching the point where I am struggling to tough it out anymore. I probably
have one more season of dealing with it in me, but beyond that I can’t
confidently say anything. Not trying to be cocky, but I am rather confident with the level of my pain tolerance, and I
rarely do I find an amount of pain that intimidates me; but sometimes I get a
pretty nervous and frightened before I race because I know how bad this pain
can get. That in combination with me being tired of being held back from my
potential from it ... I am set on getting this surgery.
Looking back on it, I am very happy with what we accomplished this season. No matter what happens going forward, I am stoked to get back to work and
to discover what we are capable of in the future. The possibilities are
endless. You know, I recognize that I am not the best skier/athlete the world
has ever seen, I’m not the best skier in Canada, I’m not the best at most
things. But I also recognize that despite those facts I am still pretty damn
good at this, I am still Rj Jackson, and I am still an allstar.
Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this journey, let’s
keep grinding.
Thanks for ready, hope you enjoyed. Happy Easter!
Rj
Side note for ski community (or not ski community if you're interested in this):
As most of you know I am now the CCC athlete representative. I am going to some meetings next week, including the High Performance Committee Meeting. If you have anything ski related (concerns, ideas, criticisms, things your happy with - anything) you want to be heard, please send me a message and I will add it to my list of things to mention. I spoke at the athlete meeting at nationals this year, but essentially my two big things are organizing and creating more race opportunities in Europe and Scandinavia that are cost effective. As well as creating more channels post-secondary for skiing to reduce the drop out rate from the sport after high school.
Let me know your thoughts, if you agree with me, if you don't agree with me, if you want more information, if you want to talk about our feelings, whatever - give me a shout.
I believe it's "yung REM"***
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