Training season recap & Project Norway

I have done such a good job procrastinating writing a blog post, there is now too much content for one post … but let’s do it anyways.

Following Nationals, I found myself back in Canmore for the first round of meetings as athlete rep. Overall I think the whole Athlete rep thing is going quite well, a lot of good stuff going on behind the scenes (will have a more in depth update on this at the end of the blog).

After getting some bonus on snow time in Canmore to start the season, I decided to pay a visit to BC and join Telemark on their Silverstar on snow camp. Kicking off the training season in the mountains, on snow, was a perfect way to get motivated to get back into the grind.

Although it was around this time I got a call from the hip specialist that I have been working with for about a year, year and a half. He confirmed a date for my surgery, which I have been waiting about a year for.

(For those who don’t know, I have had chronic abdominal and groin pain for the past 4 years. A year ago we discovered that my femoral heads are misshaped, thus putting pressure on an entire network of nerves every time I move my legs. I also have soft tissue damage, which adds a little bonus to the pain).

The date was May 26^th. It was later than I would have liked, since this bilateral hip surgery has a 4-month recovery time. But Coach Ron and I decided the cut off date was mid-late June, so I took it. I was nervous, but mostly excited. The doctor said he was confident this surgery would take away at least 50-60% of the pain. So we started laying out what the plan was for next season, postponing Project Norway until next year, or at least until later in the season, and just really focusing on the second half of the season. Everything was set; I was mentally prepared, and physically prepared to not have to live and train through pain anymore. Until a week before the surgery, I got a call. They messed up the booking for my surgery, only booking 3hrs for a 4hr procedure; the next opportunity for the surgery was in September. I was pretty shook. It may not sound like a huge deal, but I honestly wasn’t sure if I had another season of tolerance in me. I try not to talk about my pain, or use it as an excuse, since it is kind of a part of who I am at this point … but this particular scenario was a big slap in the face. I contemplated whether my best option was just to take the surgery in September and write off the 2017/2018 season. It may sound like I am just being a baby, but it is really tough to stay motivated when every workout hurts, intensity, strength, rollerskiing, cycling, easy recovery jogs, everything. If I do too much core work, I have a lot of trouble sleeping. I spent a lot of time thinking on this, a lot of time out training saying to myself, “come on Ryan, just one more year, one more season, it’s worth it”. And with some back and forth discussion and debate with my coach and family, I decided that I am going to push through one more season. My mentality is that I know I can still throw down good performances with the pain, even if it sucks and I will learn enough this year that it will be worth not giving up a season. So that was that, I refocused on Project Norway, crossed my fingers for surgery next spring, and moved forward with the training season.

So moving forward I refocused on my training, got a job, and started planning logistics to move to Norway.

My summer consisted of a consistent, rise and grind, work all day, train, sleep, and repeat routine. I got a job at the local LCBO/Beer Store. I knew I had to make more money from work than I have in previous summers. So I ended up working 25-40hrs per week (usually cruising at 30-35). To someone who works full time and extra, this may not seem like a crazy amount, but trying to train full time as well was a challenge. A typical day would be starting training at 530-6am, training until 730-8am, work 9am-5pm, train 530-7pm, go home, eat, go to sleep, do it all again. Making sure I still had a couple days of the week off, this routine was still rather draining. I found myself burnt out on a couple occasions through the training season, not necessarily physically from the training, but just ‘life tired’. My mental energy was gutted; training went from being something I enjoyed every day, to something I really did not look forward to. Something I just had to do, set a purpose for the workout, and then execute it. I would then find myself at work stocking shelves in a giant refrigerator with skiing on my mind. Motivating myself through the workday with the vision I had for this season and beyond. Although it was a drag, the summer was still a huge positive in my eyes. I made enough (I hope) to make it through the ski season, and I also learned a lot. I was forced to put major purpose into every workout I did. Realistically, I could only manage moderate training weeks (14-17hrs). I usually would like to be training more, broken into 11-13 workouts. Now if I only had the time to do 7-10 workouts per week, I had to really make sure I had a purpose for each one. Asking myself why I am putting these on my training plan, which ones are going to literally make me faster? This was a very valuable lesson for me.

Training (photo: Rundle Sport)

Chicken little (photo: Jenn)

So with that and a long list of logistics that I won’t get in to, I was set to fly off to Norway on September 15^th. When my dad dropped me off at the airport, the magnitude of what I was doing hit me. I gave my dad one last hug, and as I walked with my bags through the airport I had a surreal “oh shit, we’re doing this” moment. My place touched down at just after 5pm, made it to Asker by 7pm. Reunited with my longtime friend/roommate/rival, Maks Zechel, and then it was off to bed to catch some much needed sleep before the race the next morning…

Reminders on the travel day from the airport ... #closingthegapsequel? 

Mercedes taxi? I'll allow it

And there I was, 15 hours after my plane touched down, I was on the start line for a rollerski race through downtown Oslo (you my be thinking, ‘racing that soon after travel is a pretty stupid idea, Ryan…’ true, but the only dumber thing I could think of was to turn down an opportunity to race against the best through downtown Oslo).

The field had some of the world’s best juniors along with many other phenomenal skiers at the top of their class. I got absolutely destroyed, jetlagged or not, it was clear that there was another level I had to chase here. The club I joined (Team Asker) won the overall for the race, and had many amongst the top group. Seeing this on the first day after my arrival, I knew I was in the right place.

Couple Canucks & coach Ola 

Team Asker victory after the rollerski race in Oslo

Since this day, I have learned so much; I am going to do my best to condense key things into this next section.

The most significant difference I have noticed (asides from how fast people are) is the independence of the athletes and the amount of discussion there is over technique and training. Everyone writes their own training plan, and the coach looks it over and has input, maybe makes some changes. But from what I see, things are athlete driven. From the discussions I have had, a lot of people believe that talent obviously plays a role in how far athletes go in the sport, but what makes the difference between the best and those just below, is that the best know exactly what works for them, exactly what they need to do to be at their best. And there are so many different perspectives on training and technique, I have had multiple discussions with teammates and coaches on double poling, and each one has had something different to say … and they all are aware that what they are saying may not work perfectly for me, so I have taken pieces from what each of them have said and reconstructed my double pole technique. It is still a work in progress, but I hope that it will be really strong this season. 

Running in Norfjiell

Views from the top

The training group at Team Asker is also just incredible. Team Asker has athletes that are some of the best in the world for their age; it is a crazy high-level club. It is super motivating getting to train with this group multiple times a week, every intensity session I learn something, and even easy skis I learn something. Watching how well they transition from flat to hill, hill to flat; how they apply power in their strides, taking note on how efficient they are and then double checking on how relaxed and efficient I feel. This is a short list of what I get to process regularly. And it just so competitive, there is always someone that is feeling good so there is always someone that is going to push the workouts to the next level. Sometimes if I have a good day I can even push the pace a little sometimes … at the same time, if I have a bad day, I get absolutely wrecked. The level is high enough here that if you don’t keep the pressure on, you could very likely be beat by the girls and/or some of the 14/15-year-old kids (I may or may not know this from experience … in my defense, they are really stinkin’ fast). But it is so cool, everyone is part of the process of creating top level athletes, even if a lot of the athletes never see the spotlight; they are a piece of the puzzle to get athletes to the top. I think it is so awesome.

7x10mins z3 up this ... at least the view was nice (Spain camp)

The Zechel Special gliding along the coast of Spain

+25 in October, you'd be smiling too (photo: Johanna Lier)

It has just been such a stellar journey so far; it is hard to believe I have only been here for two months. I am writing this from Beitostølen where the season will kick off for me next weekend … craziness. Sometimes I have to take a moment here and just take it in, I am living in a different country pursuing my passion to the best of my ability … what a privilege. The realer this gets the more it reminds me how passionate I am about this, I am passionate about skiing of course, but also this pursuit of excellence; passionate about the concept of your everyday kid doing big things. This move to Norway started with Maks and I talking about moving overseas 2 years ago when we lived in Ottawa together. We would talk about all of our ideas of finding another level. And now we are here, and all it took was a couple emails and two determined kids with a vision to find their best. I am well aware that it will take more than one year to make the leap we are looking for, but I am also beyond confident that in the long run, this investment we have made will pay off. We will be phenomenal. 

First time back on snow, glad it was in Sjusjøen (photo: Maks)

Ready for it

Thanks for tuning in; this story is just going to get better.

Rj

PS: (Athlete rep update coming soon)

Season Recap and Review - Allstar

Well, this is slightly overdue. It has been about 3 weeks since I lined up on the start line for the last time this season. The reason why this is so late is primarily because I am getting really good at procrastinating; but also because after the season I make sure to take a really good mental break and shut my mind off anything ski related. So by now I have had plenty of time to look back on the season, reflect, and to obtain a sense of direction for the next step.

Where I left you guys off last was after worlds, and most of the colours I had to share on that scenario. Following that, I went on to race my first 50km at the Gatineau Loppet as well as OUA Championships in Midland. The Gatineau Loppet was a great experience, extremely humbling. I knew 50km was going to be a long haul, but despite my awareness I was ill prepared for the final 20km after hitting the 30km mark. Lets just say it was a huge sufferfest. Despite trashing the last 15/20km I still managed to pull of a 2^nd place finish, so I was pretty happy with that – I was even more content with having the experience. My next 50km I will be stronger and worlds faster. OUAs was also a fun experience. It is nice being able to have a race weekend being based out of home; it is not something that happens often.

OUAs (photo: mom)

Dad & I at OUAs (photo: mom)

Hurting at OUAs (photo: mom)

With decent racing and training in Febraury, March swung around with the final two weeks of racing. The two race weeks that were now the biggest focuses of my season; U.S. Jr. Nationals and Canadian National Championships. I drove down to U.S. Jr. Nationals in Lake Placid and met up with a crew of Canadians from all over the country. It was kind of cool to collaborate with other clubs and for us to come together and represent Canada. This was an amazing event; the energy and atmosphere were pretty awesome. And despite there being very little to no snow in Lake Placid they still held the races around a 2.5km man made loop at the ski jump site. The races included a 10km skate interval start, a 1.5km classic sprint, a 15km classic interval start (was supposed to be mass start), and a relay (which we did not participate in. As Canadians we were well represented; in the 10km skate for the Jr. Men, the 4 of us all came in the top 7. On the classic day I had one of the slowest qualifiers of my life. I believe I qualified 24^th or 25^th and was only a few seconds out of missing the top 30 and was upwards of 25s off the top qualifier. I’m aware that sprint qualifiers are not my forte, but this was exceptionally bad. But refocusing for the heats, I managed to clutch my way through the quarters and semis and found myself in the final, along with two other Canadians, Etienne Hebert and Reed Godfrey. Having the Canadians take up half of the final was a pretty cool experience. In addition we were on the top end of the final. Reed took the W, Etienne was 3^rd, and I came in 4^th (until Etienne got disqualified and I got bumped to 3^rd). All around a real fun day of racing that I will remember forever. The last race was the 15km classic, which was changed to an interval start; I was not super pumped on the change because I am a big fan of mass starts, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Unfortunately I couldn’t make it happen in this race. I just felt super flat and could not hold my technique together. I was kind of bummed; I was confidant that I should have been a top contender for this race. But all in all another good day for the Canadian guys, all 4 of us in the top 11, solid representation. And with that it was a wrap on U.S. Jr. Nationals and it was time to refocus on Canadian Nationals the following week in Canmore.

U.S. Nationals in a nutshell (photo: Team R.A.D.)

Nationals is always an awesome way to finish the season. The week began with a new event, the relay cross. There was a lot of skepticism from people when this event was brought up; I personally really enjoyed it. A 3km skate with obstacles is definitely not my strong suit, but I think the race was a nice change and added a new dynamic to Nationals. I think it was a little weaksauce that a lot of people chose not to race it for whatever reason; a national’s race is a national’s race and a national’s medal is a national’s medal and athletes should be ready to put their best foot forward in every single one. That’s just my perspective, I’m sure there are some legitimate reasons for taking the first day off. The day after the relay cross was the 10km skate. An extremely frustrating race, the hard track glazed conditions did not play in my favour. I hate making excuses but my feet, shins, and groin pains took me to a nasty place; it was more of a matter of staying upright than it was racing. Usually I can tough through things like this but when the pains get as intense as they were in that race it is a little bit surreal.

slalom course in the relay cross (photo: James Maclean)

Luckily we had a rest day afterwards as I turned my focus to the 15km Classic, which was really the focus of my week. Coming into the season I had two real big things I wanted to accomplish, results-wise. I wanted to race into the top group at worlds, and I wanted to win nationals. I had already failed my objective for worlds, so I was beyond determined to take home a gold medal at nationals; and I knew my best shot was the 15km classic. Being aware of this I knew my best plan was to not think of the goal the day of the race; I didn’t write a race plan or even really think about the race until I was in the start pen. My plan was to just go out and race, hold the best technique I can, and go as hard as I possible could. This may have been one of the best 15km races I have skied. I crossed the line in the 1^st place position and held the position until there was just one more junior on course (Gareth). I remember waiting at the finish, watching the athletes still on course, and being as nervous as ever as Gareth came down the finishing straight. I remember the pause and the announcer yelling, “and I think he’s done it, you have a new leader. Ryan Jackson will move to 2^nd”. I rarely get bitter after races, but I was pretty rattled. I could taste the win when I ran up the final hill and crested into the finish. I raced the best race I possibly could have on that day, and I lost. I took off on my skis and went off into the woods skiing very angrily. But I never forget the rule my team learned from Kikkan Randall, the 30min rule. The rule is that no matter good or bad your race is or how happy or sad you are about it, you have 30mins after your race to be upset or stoked about it and then you have to come back to earth and be humble and refocus on the next objective. So after my 30mins, I returned to the stadium, thanked some volunteers, talked to Coach Ron, and congratulated Gareth. And the more I think about it, if I’m going to lose, I would 10/10 times rather lose to a friend. Really proud of how Gareth has stepped up this year; breaking trails internationally and domestically for us. Definitely a leader for us young guys moving up in the ski world.

15km Classic (photo: James Maclean)

15km Classic (photo: James Maclean)

The following day was the classic sprint. Unfortunately made a tactical error (I guess part of the error was not skiing fast enough) and got bumped out in the quarters. I was pretty shook again; I knew I belonged in the final for a classic sprint. It just felt I was getting back up from the day before and got a good slap right in the face. But that’s sprinting, sometimes you have to make a split second decision; sometimes that decision is right, and sometimes it is wrong.

Classic Sprint (photo: James Maclean)

The Start - Classic Sprint (photo: James Maclean)

And with that it was on the last race of the season, the 30km mass start skate. This is a race I will remember for the rest of my life. At the start gate I was stoked to take on 4 laps of a pretty challenging 7.5km course. Managed to stay out of trouble out of the gate, but got a little bit boxed in during the fist lap so I couldn’t respond when Phil, Gareth, and Antoine took off the front. So for the later part of the 1^st lap I took it upon myself to close the gap as soon as possible. The 2^nd half of the 1^st lap was some of the smoothest and most efficient skate skiing I had ever done. I continued to close the gap consistently without too much strenuous effort, until about 1.5/2km into the 2^nd lap. At around the 9km mark my energy levels just began to plummet, and continued to do so at a rapid rate. By the time I was finishing my second lapped I had already been passed by what like half of the field, and I had sub zero energy to spend. Climbing out of the stadium on my third lap, my left quad wrenched into a cramp like I had never felt before – so now I had a peg leg to drag through the rest of the race. I remember just recognizing that this was beyond a bonk, it was if my body was rejecting the concept of movement. I knew was going to have to push as hard as I could just to finish the race. My focus had gone from chasing the win to just making it to the finish line. I have always been adamant about finishing races, and I am extremely proud of finishing this race. But at the same time I look back on that race and question whether finishing was a good idea on a health perspective. Usually I don’t concern myself on how hard I dig myself into a hole; what leaves me unsettled is that I don’t remember the last lap and a half of the race … bits and pieces, yes, but as a whole I remember skiing with my cramped leg around some of the third lap, and then being KO’ed on the ground at the finish line and some of my teammates and my sister there. Wild.

Looking back on this race, I probably would not have crashed and burned nearly as hard if I didn't try to close the gap. Had I just sat in the group, I still probably would have died, but not as early and not in a equivalently epic fashion. But I bet I could have hung on to a top end position. Knowing this I still wouldn't change a thing, even if I didn't have what it took to win on that day, I would still rather blow up epic-ly while trying to win than come top 10 being conservative.   

Calm before the storm - 30km Skate (photo: James Maclean)

RIP Rj - 30km Skate (photo: James Maclean)

My coach and I have a few ideas of what happened. Chances are it was a combination of things, but I will be definitely approaching extended altitude more carefully in the future. And with that the season was a wrap for me, all in all full of extremely high quality experiences.

(That was meant to just be a brief summary of the remainder of the season, shoot)

Looking back on all of it I have a lot of mixed feelings. I fell short of the both of the achievements I wanted to accomplish. I couldn’t pull it together at worlds and I again fell short of the gold at nationals. Not winning nationals still stings me a little. I have been privileged enough to medal at nationals 7 or 8 times since I began competing more seriously, none of them being gold. It seems whenever I am having a clutch race there is always someone who is just on another level than me on that day. Now moving up in to senior it becomes an even taller order to stand on top of that podium. But as important as that dream of being National Champion was for me, it is not over. One day will be my day; I know it. In addition I recognize my performances as a junior do not define how successful I will be as an athlete. It is a good checkpoint to make sure I am on track for the big picture.

I also have to recognize all of the great things from this season. I did not reach the goals I set for myself, but I still hit some stellar landmarks and made some huge improvements. Looking at last season, at U.S. Nationals 2015/2016 in Houghton, MI, I was struggling to crack the top 20. This season at U.S. Nationals 2016/2017 in Solider Hollow, UT, I came home with a gold and silver medal (and that silver was to fellow Canadian “Young Rem”). Last year I had a great race at worlds and wound up 46^th. This year I had a rough race at worlds and wound up 31^st. I went to Norway for a month and within that month I went from a tail end skier to a top 20 skier at the Scandinavian Cup. These are the progressions I need to look at; this is good stuff. It also says something for our Jr. Men category in Canada this year, everyone in this category made similar improvements, if not more this season. That’s a big deal! I really think we are going to see big things from us. Obviously there are a lot of phenomenal talents in the ski community, but I really believe some of the best skiers in Canada are going to come from the 97/98 guys. I am totally biased because these are the guys I race against all the time. But I am so confident with what I’ve seen and how far we’ve come. Really excited to continue moving forward with these guys.

Another approach of reflection on my season is making sure I don’t get caught up in results. I have been finding the more and more with improvements in sport that it becomes easier and easier to get engulfed with result based goals and standards. A lot of times I have had to take a step back and make sure I am still in it for the right reasons. Yes I want all of the results and to achieve these goals, but at its foundation I love skiing, I love racing, and I have a dream of being the best skier I can be. That is just something I have to remind myself of when the training, racing, and entire atmosphere gets more intense. Remember why you do what you do.

With all of that – where’s the next step? Well, there are a lot of directions I could be heading in this coming season depending on what happens. Ideally, I want to spend the majority of my season in Norway next season. After being there for a month I realized that I had so much to learn. So I want to go race them as much as possible and also train with them. I have a lot of ground to cover when it comes to improving my technique, and I think by spending a lot of time training with Norwegians would be extremely beneficial. So I have been working pretty hard on making plans to make that happen. If I do I will still have a focus on trials in Canada, going for a U23 world championships spot, as well as Canadian Nationals. What would complicate this is that I am also on a waiting list to have hip surgery …

(For those who do not know, here’s a brief summary: I have had chronic groin/abdominal pain that intensifies with exercise for the past 4+ years. Recently, on about Dr. #20 we discovered I have misshaped femoral heads so that could be a large causation of my pain).

… So depending on when I get called in for that, it could be anytime from now, until next spring – I will have to refocus my objectives for this season. If the date ends up being anywhere past June, I will most likely turn it down and wait until next spring (double hip operations take a bit of time to bounce back from, even for a stud like me). If it is before then I will probably jump under the knife, but likely stay domestic and postpone my Norway plan for a year. I don’t like the idea of going back under the knife, but I am reaching the point where I am struggling to tough it out anymore. I probably have one more season of dealing with it in me, but beyond that I can’t confidently say anything. Not trying to be cocky, but I am rather confident with the level of my pain tolerance, and I rarely do I find an amount of pain that intimidates me; but sometimes I get a pretty nervous and frightened before I race because I know how bad this pain can get. That in combination with me being tired of being held back from my potential from it ... I am set on getting this surgery.

Looking back on it, I am very happy with what we accomplished this season. No matter what happens going forward, I am stoked to get back to work and to discover what we are capable of in the future. The possibilities are endless. You know, I recognize that I am not the best skier/athlete the world has ever seen, I’m not the best skier in Canada, I’m not the best at most things. But I also recognize that despite those facts I am still pretty damn good at this, I am still Rj Jackson, and I am still an allstar.

Thanks to everyone who has been a part of this journey, let’s keep grinding.

Thanks for ready, hope you enjoyed. Happy Easter!

Rj

Side note for ski community (or not ski community if you're interested in this):

As most of you know I am now the CCC athlete representative. I am going to some meetings next week, including the High Performance Committee Meeting. If you have anything ski related (concerns, ideas, criticisms, things your happy with - anything) you want to be heard, please send me a message and I will add it to my list of things to mention. I spoke at the athlete meeting at nationals this year, but essentially my two big things are organizing and creating more race opportunities in Europe and Scandinavia that are cost effective. As well as creating more channels post-secondary for skiing to reduce the drop out rate from the sport after high school. 

Let me know your thoughts, if you agree with me, if you don't agree with me, if you want more information, if you want to talk about our feelings, whatever - give me a shout. 

World Juniors 2017

Well, it has been about a week since I have returned from World Juniors… I have been taking time to reflect on the experience and make sure my perception was clear; I am ready to share all of that to the blog world now.

Going into worlds this year I had a completely different approach than I did last year in Romania. Last year I surprised myself a little just by qualifying, and with that I had no real expectation of myself other than trying my best – I had no understanding yet of what is was like to race against the best. This year was different; I have grown a lot since last year and have a greater understanding of what it is like to race at the international level. Thus before I had even qualified I had an understanding of what I was capable of and what I expected of myself at worlds. I knew from how I had developed from where I was last year, how I raced in Norway, and through the training I had put in – that I had the capacity to really perform at worlds this year. I am not a huge fan of looking at results, but I knew I was capable of a top 15 or better if I had a good day. For those who don’t know already, this was not the case.

So, how did the whole thing play out? Lets take a step back 2-3 weeks and break it down.

After trials I stayed in Utah for a few extra days before heading back home (wasn’t initially planning on going home, but I was absolutely wrecked after trials so I decided to get back down to sea level to recover). I had 4-5 days at home before I connected out to Canmore for a pre-worlds mini-camp. I was on the fence of first going out the Westerns in Whistler before heading to Canmore, but my logic in not going was that it would be too much condensed travel

(Utah -> home 3,4 days -> Whistler 3,4 days -> Canmore 5 days -> Utah/Worlds 4 days then race)

In hindsight I still should have gone to Westerns, but we’ll get to that. Initially I was pretty frustrated with having to go to Canmore since my club had planned well ahead and we rented a house in Utah to stay at so that those who qualified could stay and train on the actual courses and altitude for an extended time. But, it was not the end of the world; I completely understand the value in getting the team together before competing. Canmore was a great place to get a good training block in – my criticism of it would be that I felt like it was a little too comfortable… what I mean by that is that it felt like we got into too much of a static training environment and I do not feel that it made me race ready.

TT in Canmore

TT in Canmore

After 7,8 days in Canmore, it was time to head down to Soldier Hollow, Utah for worlds. I was feeling pretty confident and felt relatively strong upon arriving, I wasn’t feeling crazy peppy but more than anything I was mentally prepared for the races to come. Until our 2^nd day in Utah I was told I had been subbed out of the first distance race (10km skate). The coaches in Canmore mentioned the possibility of me being subbed out, but I really did not expect them to make the call with having a clear meeting beforehand; I was pretty pissed. I heard their reasoning for subbing me out – essentially the coaches wanted to select athletes to race based off US Nationals/trials as closely as possible… and out of the 5 Jr. athletes our coaches had to choose from, I was 5^th in the 15km skate at trials, and there are 4 entry spots per race at worlds. So on paper it makes sense, I was the slowest in what was the most comparable race to the 10km skate at worlds. I understand their logic, but it was because I understand that I feel comfortable criticizing the call. The logic being used for selection on the trip was very analytical; which seems like a safe bet, but neither ski racing, nor any sport is analytical. There is so much more to competing than pure numbers. I had a rough go in the 15km skate at trials and was only 8 seconds off being in the top 4 (had I been 1min+ off I would have been far more supportive of the decision) … in addition, historically I have always performed strongly in 10km events in comparison to 15km. I was bothered mostly because I was told after trials that I was selected 3^rd for the distance team, and therefore would have the opportunity to race all of the distance races at worlds; I just felt cheated. It also made me a bit extra nervous, what was the biggest race of my season would now be my first race at worlds and my first race since racing at US Nationals 3-4 weeks prior. But, whether I agreed with the decision or not, I could not change it – put a positive spin on it telling myself I would be more rested and continued onto the skiathlon.

After watching races all week by the time the skiathlon came around I just wanted to race. The team had been doing quite well, an exceptional sprint day for the Jr. Men (all 4 in the top 36, Etienne (17^th) and Reed (25^th) both in heats) and a sweet top 20 by Gareth on the 10km skate day. I was psyched. The night before the race I only slept about 2-3 hours, guess a combination of nerves and just not being tired – I was not worried though, still felt confident I would do well. Being seeded 44^th, I was put in the 9^th row – so I knew I had some passing to do. I had a good start, made it up to the top 20 or so in the first 2km or so, until I got pinched into a corner and had to watch as another 10-15 skiers passed me and I found myself back where I started. Not letting it stress me out, I made my plan of attack to steadily push my way back into the top 20 through the next 7.5 of the classic leg. I realized it would be exceedingly difficult when my energy bonked and I started to really hurt in the 2^nd lap at the 3km mark or so… I felt like I already had to grind and I was 3km into a 20km race – 17km is a long time to spend in the pain cave. I just continued to hold and push my pace and really just hoped I would find some new energy in the skate leg. Buuut that was not the case; I skied out of the skate transition feeling like a baby deer (or a fawn I suppose) on ice. The 2^nd 10km was pretty excruciating, fought with everything I had but I could not hang onto my technique, power, or any of the skiers passing me. It was a truly long 10km.

Finishing 31^st and minutes off the leaders, I was beyond disappointed. It was the first time ever I had finished the race and genuinely been upset with myself, even though I had tried my best. I truly believed that this was my race to succeed in, but I failed. My parents came down to watch and it was my only race both of them got to see, so that made me feel pretty bad as well. Felt like a pretty big letdown as a whole – sad Rj.

(S/O to the dude Gareth on his 11th place finish in the skiathlon though. Expect big things from us up and coming Juniors)

20km Skiathlon

20km Skiathlon

20km Skiathlon

20km Skiathlon

To top off this day another pretty ridiculous decision was made, that I was rather upset about. The coaches took my club teammate and Team Canada teammate, Scott, out of the U23 30km skiathlon because he caught a 24hr bug two days earlier… to my understanding, the coaches made a call to a doctor (who was in CANADA) and made the call to take Scott out of the race because they were “concerned for his health” and “couldn’t risk another poor result”. I call BS. Scott clearly expressed that he ahd recovered and was more than fine to race. Even if he was deathly sick, he is clearly still our best distance U23 skier Canada; whether he is ill or not – so to sub him out in fear of a poor result is exceedingly ignorant. It really irritates me too how these decisions are always being made without discussion with the athletes as well. I understand the coaches and trip leaders are responsible for the logistics of registration and substitution of athletes, but to do it without having a real discussion with the athlete of whether it is the right call or not? Where’s the logic there? We athletes are the ones racing… are we not? Would the athletes not know best how they feel and who will be fast in each race? Most of the coaches haven’t raced in decades so it’s super annoying to me when they feel they can read whether an athlete is going to perform well or not. In my scenario where I got subbed out, I can understand it, I do not agree with it – but I see the logic. In this scenario there is no logic, just a big bias and a really dumb decision. I feel like I’m getting more rattled over this than Scott himself, but that’s my teammate, and if my teammate(s) get cheated out of an opportunity they earned and deserved – I am going to argue against it. I think everyone who was on the Canadian team this year should feel this way to a certain extent. It’s also kind of a coincidence that two Team Hardwood athletes got taken out of races that they were initially supposed to be racing … not making any claims, it's just an interesting coincidence.

As annoying as stuff like this is, sometimes you’ve just got to keep pushing forward. I took some time to be a grumpy and upset, but after that it was time to get up to support our U23s racing the next day and get ready for the relay.

Not sure what went wrong in the relay, but things just did not come together. The most important positive of the relay was that we believed we could succeed; in comparison to last years mentality this was a big step in the right direction. Whether the result was a demonstration of that or not, genuinely believing something is possible is fundamentally crucial. I still believe that we are a team capable of a top 5 or even a podium at worlds – just need to keep working towards that day. For myself personally in the relay, I was satisfied with my performance, not stoked, but satisfied. I wasn’t sharp by any means, but I pushed a real gutty effort and I am content with that.

Relay

Relay

Looking back at the whole experience, there are a lot of things there were a lot of occurrences that were less than ideal that I was not happy with. In plain sight it probably appears as a real rough time; I mean... all I’ve really done so far in this post is complain about stuff (sorry). But when I break it down, there are a lot of positives to take away and build off of. I learned some technical aspects to help me improve. I now know I should have gone to westerns and that races leading up to an important race is quite crucial for my preparation. Recognizing that I have improved a huge amount from last year, but that I still have so much more space to improve, technique, fitness, mental game and many other things (which is really, really good). Seeing all of the space I have to improve gives me a lot of hope. Fixing and improving all of these aspects will not be easy, but I definitely know I can get a lot faster.

I always have to remind myself of how cool all of this is. I got to represent Canada at World Juniors, again. I have been recognized in the Canadian ski community that I am one of the top young & developing athletes and I have been privileged with so many opportunities because of that. That is pretty cool. Racing against the best skiers my age in the entire world – that is cool. I had a rough race and was still borderline top 30 – happy or not with the race, 31^st is a respectable result, and we can do so much better – that’s cool. I got to spend a week with skiers from all over the world, with big dreams just like me – that is cool. It sounds like I am just boasting, but I genuinely just think this is all pretty surreal. At the end of the day I’m just a normal kid, trying his best at something he loves doing… and that in combination of me working really hard, all of these experiences are real now – COOL.

The Boys

For me it is really important to remind myself of how privileged I am to have all of this, reminds me why I do what I do and what I want to do with my goals.

With that most of my feelings of World Juniors 2017 is summarized, what a ride. What I wanted to be a destination of a result, turned into an opportunity to learn, grow and improve. That’s life, and I am excited to get back to work. For me the next step of my season will be a nice big training block for February with the Gatineau Loppet (50km Classic) this coming weekend and OUAs in Midland. Then down to U.S. Jr. Nationals in Lake Placid, NY and back out to Canmore again for Nationals – I am stoked.

Thanks for reading if you made it here, apologies if some pieces didn’t make sense or if it was kind of a negative post – just keeping it real. Moral of the story, choose the battles worth fighting, and fail forward.

Best,

Rj